Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
