Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
