then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
