Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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