So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
