i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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