just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
