Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
