And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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