I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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