Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Fuck appropriateness.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
