omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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