Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
