Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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