"it" just moved
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
