I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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