Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
