apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
