someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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