So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
