TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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