I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
