i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
