the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
