lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
