Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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