Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
