turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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