Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just blew my weed a kiss
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
