he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
