Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
