God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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