my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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