see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
