I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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