so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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