I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
