Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
