friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Your cock deserves a montage
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
