My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm getting married
To pizza
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
