For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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