You made me cry and you don't even care
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
