I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
