i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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