Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
