i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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