Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
