dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Enjoy the penises
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
