Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
