Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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