so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Randomize
