is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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