my mouth tastes like poor choices
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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