ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
