Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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