You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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