I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
