No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
