bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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