so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
