His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
