We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
